Since my last blog, a lot has changed and a lot has remained the same in my journey towards graduation and entering the realm of life after college. While I am still unsure about my post-June 14 plans, my state-of-mind has continued on in a positive direction. While making the transition out of college and into the real world seems intimidating right now, it only constitutes one small step in the grand scheme of things.

Let me take a little step back? I've wasted hours upon hours of my time since the beginning of my senior year stressing out about what the next chapter of my life will include. I've searched the web, attended meetings, and talked to countless individuals about possible internships, job ideas, or grad school options.  I've contemplated my options, stressed about which is the best of the bunch, and worried that I'm going to end up unemployed and living at home once the last of my days as a Gaucho have passed.

Here is where the big change has been made? I've told myself to stop panicking! For the most part, I've been able to do so as long as I constantly remind myself that anything I do will be an experience, an important part of the journey, and only the very first step in the direction towards my future career. Whether I choose to go teach English in a foreign country, acquire an unpaid internship, or find a less-than-ideal job to hire me, chances are it will not be what I end up doing in the long run, but will have a positive impact on my knowledge or skill base, outlook about my future, and, ultimately, on what career path I choose to follow.

Another important fact that I've come to terms with is the current state of the economy. Because most businesses are being forced to cut costs and consequently lay off many employees, now is not the best time to rely on being hired by the company of my dreams. On the other hand, now is the time to do something that interests me and provides me with some sort of practical experience. I've realized that as long as I continue to be an active learner in whatever field I next enter, I will walk away with something I didn't have before. So, when it comes down to it, no journey I embark on next year will be a waste of time or a setback.

I'd like to end with a quote that I came across one day while reading the back of my Starbucks coffee cup. It read, "The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life." It is indeed ironic that making a commitment (setting a decision in stone) can have a liberating rather than a constricting effect. In applying this concept to my current situation, I've realized that it's time to start narrowing down my options and begin taking the steps toward committing to just one. Once I've made a decision about what exactly it is I'm going to do, my concerns will naturally dissipate.  I'll then have the ability to really start enjoying this new and exciting chapter of my life!

The LSAT is like any other standardized test, meant to assess your ability to succeed at school. The LSAT in particular is a standard measure of acquired reading and verbal reasoning skills. So, if the LSAT is like any other test then why did I want to pull out my hair studying for it?

Well the LSAT tests reasoning in three sections: reading comprehension, logical reasoning, and logic games with a time constraint of only 35 minutes for each section. I decided that there was no way I would be able to conquer the LSAT without help, so I enrolled in a prep class over the summer in August. I quickly learned my way around the LSAT taking a full length test for the first time and finding myself disappointed at my initial score. I knew I had a long way ahead of me to achieve my desired score, but I was ready to work hard to get there. I was studying constantly and it helped that my friends were all studying for the GREs as well. It was difficult to stay constantly focused because it was summer and the nice weather outside was more appealing than staying indoors studying.

I had signed up to take the October exam, but as the date rapidly approached and school began, I found myself feeling less and less prepared, stressed, and overwhelmed. The week that I was scheduled to take the exam, I decided it was not the right time and I postponed till December. It was relieving to know I had more time to study, but also disappointing knowing that I would have to continue my study and preparation for an exam I really didn’t want to take, but needed in order to apply to any law school. Fortunately, the prep course I had signed up for had what they called a “higher score guarantee,” which allowed me to retake the course if I was not satisfied with my score or if I didn’t feel prepared after the course ended, which was applicable in my situation 

I was quick to jump on the opportunity and reregistered in another prep course that I would take concurrently with my regular fall classes. I knew it would be a challenge to balance school, work, and my prep course. To make matters even more complicated I landed an internship at a local law firm and decided it would be unwise for me to pass up the opportunity. Midway through fall quarter I found myself overworked and exhausted. I needed a break, but I wasn’t going to get one any time soon.

I continued to study and prepare for the test, but as the December date approached I found myself nervous and feeling unprepared once again. I took one final practice test the week prior to the exam and was incredibly disappointed to find that my score was still several points away from my desired score. My instructor for the prep course recommended that I postpone, but I was reluctant to do so because I had already done so in October. I put a lot of thought into deciding whether or not I should postpone once again and I found that the pros outweighed the cons. Postponing again would allow me to study more over winter break, hopefully helping me to achieve the score I wanted and needed to apply to my desired schools.

It was a difficult decision to make, but I changed my test date to February. I was disappointed, but even more determined to stay focused and study harder. I came back after winter break only to discover that I had two midterms the week I was scheduled to take the LSAT. I knew it was another hurdle to overcome, but I felt that I would be able to prepare myself for it. As the date in February approached I felt anxious and worried about whether or not I would be able to do well on the test. The week of the test I contemplated changing my test date again to June, but after thinking about it and talking it over with a friend we decided that there was always going to be some obstacle I needed to tackle. I was reluctant to take the test because I had heard that if you take the test several times law schools average your scores and I really just wanted to take the test once and never have to think about it again! I decided that it wasn’t worth waiting several more months to take it and if I needed to I would take the test again. When February 7 came around I woke up early, walked to the test site on campus, and took the test. It was finally over!

So it has been a while since I’ve written a blog and that is partly because of the time I spent back home during break reflecting on the past quarter. Before I left for break I was informed that I did not get the REU research internship in Delaware. I was literally crushed when I found out because I was looking forward to researching AIDS during the summer but I learned that things do not always work out the way you want them to and I am okay with that—I realize rejection is just a part of life.

After hearing the news I started to think about how other students must feel when they do not get jobs or internships. Learning to cope with the rejection is a touchy subject and I never realized how sensitive I was to it. I am glad that it happened though. If it were not for this experience I would not have been able to see a different side to the world of internships. I also realized that it was not the end of the world.

My tactic to deal with the rejection was to move on and look for a new internship—that is just the way to deal with these kinds of things sometimes. Almost by stroke of luck, I received an email from my Sociology advisor informing me that there was a research internship available through the same program funded by the National Science Foundation.

This is my second chance at landing an awesome summer internship. The program I am applying to is actually on the UCSB campus and pays the same rate as the REU program in Delaware. The subject for this internship is researching the different societal methods which affect and are affected by nanotechnology. I know—nanotechnology? What am I thinking applying to a program in nanotechnology?

Actually, I am glad that the subject is not one that I am totally familiar with because I enjoy learning about new subjects and tying them into what I already know. Nanotechnology seems like an up-in-coming and wide reaching field of study and I am actually excited to see if I can learn more about its affects on society—especially in this globalizing society we live in.

My goal for the next few weeks is to develop a comprehensive and innovative statement of interest for this program and brush up my resume to make it seem more professional. I know it will be hard work and I have already started doing some research on the field to get a better background on what I am getting myself into. I’ve set up an appointment with an advisor at Career Services to look over my resume and critique my application to make sure that I did not mess up anywhere—it’s always a good idea to get a second opinion.

If I can land this internship I will be more than satisfied with myself because it has been a seven-month long process so far trying to secure a summer internship, so at this point I sort of feel it is about time I actually get one that I am interested in. This should be interesting!